I'm No Supermom...And That's Okay

Hello. My name is Alina, and I'm a perfectionist. I struggle with letting others help me...because they may do it differently than I would (or less than perfectly). I am completely unable to delegate tasks because by the time I explain the "correct" way to do something, I could have just done it myself. I can't even begin to count the times I've said, "that's not the way I would have done it..." and no you're not imagining the condescending tone there. 

I've allowed myself to believe that my way is the  best way. That my way is what helps me avoid anxiety and stress. But you want to know what I've learned? Those are lies. I'm not less stressed out when I'm having to do everything by myself because in my head everyone else does it wrong. I'm not less anxious when I'm running around like a chicken with its head cut off to accomplish 10x what the average human is supposed to do in a day. And the worst part? I'm not accomplishing anything of substance because I'm stressing about every tiny detail of the most mundane things!

In the last 30 days, I've gotten a major wake up call. I don't know what finally made it all click, but I finally realized that I'm not meant to do it all. God didn't design this life for me to just be busy. And He, more than anyone, knows just how fall short from perfect I really fall. Why am I, a person who values authenticity above all else, struggling and working so hard to keep up this appearance of perfection?

So what do you do when you realize that you're surrounding yourself with all the wrong things? Let's be clear, I don't mean bad things. Being the go to volunteer at school is great...if you're spending every moment of your time (and not just your free time) to help out with any and every thing, you're doing a disservice not only to yourself, but also to the other parents who may step up if you got out of their way. Being the super PTA mom is great...but if you're taking on every single project, what's the rest of the team supposed to do? Being on the Women's Ministry board at church is great...but if you're so tied up in every other over-commitment that you can't even make it to class on the regular, how exactly are you serving those women? 

I could go on and on, but you get the picture. And I know I'm not the only one. Moms today are tired and I think more so than ever before. We're running kids to 1700 different activities and making sure that we look like supermom to our friends on every social media platform available. We're grabbing fast food through the drive through on our way from PTA meetings to drop the kids off before we run off to Bunco night or soccer practice. It's not that what we're doing is bad, but we're not leaving any breathing room, or at least I wasn't.

After almost 2 years of non-stop over-commitment, it finally became crystal clear. In trying to serve everybody, I actually wasn't serving anybody. And you know what, I'm tired of sleepless nights, staying up trying to finish another project that was delegated to someone else, but I somehow managed to take over (whether through their failure to finish or my idea that I could do it better.) 

So, what do you do when you realize that you're an exhausted, over-committed, perfectionist with an unrealistic desire to be supermom? You re-evaluate. And I'm talking EVERYTHING. Re-evaluate it all! 

"...trying to be Perfect with a capital P isn't all it's cracked up to be...It takes courage to admit that you are both flawed and vulnerable, and BEING COURAGEOUS IS BETTER THAN BEING PERFECT any day of the week and twice on Sunday." - Sarah Knight

Over the last week, I have working my way through a devotional called "100 Days to Brave." Y'all if you asked me on any given day if I thought I was brave, I would say "heck yeah!" I've endured some crazy ish in my life and survived it all. I'm not generally one to start a fight, but I'll certainly finish it. I'm not one to back down. But there's a different kind of bravery...and I don't have it naturally. 

I'm a sucker for the rules. Even rules that aren't really rules but more like social suggestions. You know, like don't wear white after Labor Day. That's not a rule, but I'm still scared to break it. WHY? Who is it hurting if I rock those white jeans in January?? I mean they would look fabulous with those new boots I just bought! I'm tired of perfection! Or better yet, the illusion of perfection. Well behaved women rarely make history, I can't remember who said that, but dang it's true!! Why should we be afraid to bend (or straight up break) these social rules that tell us we have to sign up for everything, we have to have perfectly clean houses at all times (I know I'm not the only one scrambling to make our house look like it's just been featured in Southern Living when company is coming), our kids have to be in the cutest clothes and signed up for every single activity...and going to what feels like 4,000 birthday parties in a year. (I've been the mom throwing those over the top parties. I get it moms, I really do, but admit it, we're all tired of spending so much hard earned money on birthday presents that are just going to sit in a drawer or get donated to Goodwill in a few months.)

So much of what we do is defined by what other people will see and think. Whether we realize it or not, we're consumed by it. And I'll tell you, I pride myself on not caring what other people think. But then WHAM! It hit me like a ton of bricks!! If I don't care what other people think, why am I running myself ragged chasing perfection and keeping myself constantly over-committed and so busy that there's hardly time to breathe? Am I doing that for me? Am I doing that because it is improving my family's quality of life? Am I doing it because God has put it on my heart to keep this unattainable schedule? NOPE!! I'm doing it because someone else asked me to. And then I'm putting my own unreasonable expectations on a project or task that I already don't have time for. Then when other people see that I'm somehow managing to do all of these things, you know what they think? Wow, wouldn't it be great if she could help me with ____________. It's not their fault, it's mine. I'm giving the allusion that I'm available for every single thing. I'm giving people permission to sign me up for every project without thinking through the time commitment or how this will fit into an already ridiculous schedule. It's nobody's fault but my own. Because I'm spending my life chasing perfection.

Not one minute longer, y'all. Shoot, not one more second. When I realized what I was doing and the impact it was having on my family, my relationships, and even on my health, I knew something had to change and fast. But how would I know what I could take off of my plate? I mean, it all seemed so important...I certainly couldn't stop doing ___________ and I definitely couldn't step down from ___________. I saw no options of anything that I could just stop doing. NOT ONE THING. It was all too important. So, I started praying. And not just here and there, but every time I found a had a spare moment. Begging God to show me how to turn things around and start letting Him fill my calendar (and my life) with the things He had purposed for me. 

I wasn't prepared for the answer I got and if I'm honest I didn't like. I didn't see how it could possibly work. He wasn't calling me to take one thing off my plate. Not one single thing...but ALL THE THINGS. As I was looking at my calendar, I saw the plan so clearly. Every single one of my commitments wrapped up around the same time. As long as I didn't take anything else on and simply didn't recommit to keeping up these jobs/projects/tasks for another year, I could finish what I had agreed to do and step down from everything with a clear conscience. I hadn't planned that, God did. Before I even knew that I had a problem, He was already orchestrating my out. 

Y'all, I don't know if you're in the same place I am feeling overwhelmed, over-worked, and just plain exhausted, but there is freedom in knowing that we aren't called to live this way. There is peace in knowing that God doesn't want this for us and it's okay to take a step back. 

Last night, I sat in a room filled with women I love and care about. One in particular that I believe is in the same place I am, with too much on her plate and the world on her shoulders, and who I count as one of my closest friends. I had to look these women in the eyes and let them know that I was stepping down from our church's women's ministry. That I was no longer able to stand alongside them and serve in the same capacity. That I believed God was moving me out of the way so that another woman, whose heart He was already working on, would have a place to step into. Reactions were mixed from encouragement and thanks for my almost 2 years of service to tears and hurt feelings. It hurt my heart to feel like I was leaving these women vulnerable and piling more work on their shoulders. It hurt me to walk away from something I desperately want to be a part of, but today I'm clinging to the fact that God will provide for them and He is leading me into a new chapter, maybe even a new book entirely, and only He knows what it looks like. And I trust that it is exactly what my heart and body need after this challenging season.

Mamas, I think sometimes we just need to hear that we're not alone. That someone else is walking the same road, even if they are a couple of steps ahead of us. And I think that sometimes we need someone to say...it's okay to fail. It's okay to walk away. It's okay to stop trying to be everything to everyone. And it's okay to take care of you. I'm right there with you and I'm praying for you. I pray that God will create a peace in your heart that allows you to see the places where you can step back and reevaluate those over-commitments. And more than anything, I pray that you will take time to take care of you. You matter, mama! (And so does your sanity!)

Instant Gratification vs. Delayed Gratification

Yesterday, I shared on my Facebook and Instagram (@alinamfthompson) my results for week 1 of SHIFT SHOP. They were a little less stellar than I had hoped, but I wanted to share a little more about what happened last week and the changes that have been made for this week.

For the last several months, shoot probably more like the last year, I have been on this workout/clean eating roller coaster. Every time I started a new workout program something would happen, an injury, an illness, or straight up laziness and I would quit. Every time I would plan a week of clean eating a party would be added to my calendar, a new restaurant would open, or a billion other excuses would present themselves and I would quit.

{Photo Cred: Pinterest}

In the past I've also shared that I'm an all-in or all-out kind of girl. I don't understand less than 100%. But in all honesty, sometimes that is my downfall. I dump so much on my plate that it becomes overwhelming and all of a sudden I'm drowning in too many commitments and I'm all the balls I've been juggling come tumbling down right on top of me. That's just #momlife right??

This time around, I knew I needed to make a change. Instead of changing every single aspect of my life in one fell swoop, I decided to make one change. If I could make it one week and maintain that change, then the next week I would add another change. And so on and so on.

So, while week one of SHIFT SHOP meant some seriously hard workouts, I also did not dial in my nutrition...like, AT ALL! Wine? Yes! Burgers? Yes! Mac & Cheese? Of course! You get the picture. Each time, I enjoyed any of these (or so many other treats) I felt instantly happy. Ordinarily I later would have experienced a feeling of guilt that I had traded the choice to have a nutritious meal for the instant gratification of an unhealthy treat.

{Photo Cred: Pinterest}

Last week was a little different. Since I went into the week knowing that I had 1 goal and simply needed to make that happen, I never felt deprived and it was a lot easier to get through that first week. But as I stood on the scale yesterday, there was still that feeling of disappointment. What would that number have looked like if I had eaten clean? Would it have been a drastic difference?

{Photo Cred: Pinterest}

Let's take a second to be real...obviously losing 2 pounds in a week is AMAZING!! That's definitely a healthy weight loss goal and nothing to be bummed about! I think my perception of what that first week would look like were altered by seeing other fellow coaches losing crazy amounts of weight and getting super toned in only 3 weeks.

So, as I sat down to set my goals for this week I knew I would keep my workout goal and I would commit to workout every day for 7 days, with one double workout day, for a total of 9 workouts. I also planned to add a second goal and that would be focusing on my nutrition. I committed to follow the SHIFT SHOP meal plan EXACTLY. No cheats AT ALL!!

That's where I am today. The fridge is stocked and ready to go. My hubby has agreed to follow the meal plan with me and the recipes look fantastic. But even seeing how delicious everything looks, I know going a week without a burger or a glass of wine isn't going to be easy. I know there will be a day that everything will seem to go wrong, I'll be stressed to the max, and I'll either be craving some comfort food or wanting some quiet time to read with a glass of pinot grigio. This week I'm committing to not chase instant gratification. I'm looking ahead to the delayed gratification of climbing on the scale in a week knowing that I've completely eaten clean and showed up for every workout and I know those results will be there waiting for me.

{Photo Cred: Pinterest}

Do you struggle with fitness or is nutrition harder for you? Do you struggle to do both at the same time? You are not alone!! You can follow my SHIFT SHOP journey on Facebook and Instagram (@alinamfthompson) and please feel free to reach out to me if I can encourage you on your own journey!!

Are you ready for the SHIFT?! Check out this video to here more about the program from trainer, Chris Downing. If you're as excited about this program as I am, COMMENT and let me know!! You can find all the information to purchase the program HERE.

{Video Cred: Beachbody}

You Just Have To Want To...Right?

If you want it bad enough, you'll work for it...right? It seems simple enough but for a busy mom, it's just not true. How many days do you tell yourself you're going to eat right or squeeze in that workout you've been putting off? How many times do those clean eating habits get derailed by a school party, a church potluck, or temptation staring at you on the grocery store shelf? How many times do you put off a workout because the kids just won't go down for their nap today, you've just got to be at the school to volunteer, or you just want to enjoy the five minutes of peace and quiet you have without being covered in sweat? 

{Photo Cred: Pinterest}

I get it. And let's be real, every single day you're wanting to achieve this goal. You're staring at those old jeans you just refuse to get rid of, because one day you're going to wear them again. You're standing on the scale shedding every ounce of clothing hoping the number won't make you want to cry today and when it's still more than you expected you're balancing on one foot and taking out your hair tie praying it will budge. You're feeling frustrated that everywhere you go you're confronted with unhealthy food choices and friends that justify the excuse that "it's a special occasion" or "you deserve to treat yourself" or any other number of things.

It's not that you don't want to. You definitely want to. I mean the desire to lose weight is on your mind EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. There is no lack of want to. So what's the problem?

You want to know what the problem is? It's the WILL TO...not the want to. You can want something all day long but I can promise you that's not going to bring you success. That's not going to make those skinny jeans fit over that muffin top and zip all the way up. (Please don't read that as judgmental...know this...the muffin top game is strong with this one!!) 

{Photo Cred: Womanista}

Having the will to reach that goal, to lose that weight, to eat healthier means making a game plan and STICKING TO IT. It's easy to be jealous of the friend who can eat whatever they want at the numerous events y'all attend together and never gain a pound. It's easy to convince yourself that you work so hard and you deserve that cupcake at the 17th birthday party you've attended this month. And your girlfriends are going to back you up...because they feel the same way. We're all stuck in this same neverending cycle of wanting to lose weight and falling victim to our own excuses and validations.

Certainly moderation is good and had we budgeted for a cupcake at the most recent birthday party, so be it. But if you're like me with an endless string of kids' birthday parties on your calendar, there aren't enough calories in your budget to have a cupcake at every single one. We've got to have the will to decide ahead of time whether or not a cupcake fits into this week's plan and we've got to stick with what we've decided before the moment of temptation strikes. 

If you're still stuck in the want to phase of this cycle, please know you're not alone. Most likely almost every women in your circle of friends is there too. But if you're ready to put down those excuses and pick up the WILL to finally do something about your health and maybe even get back in those jeans collecting dust in the back of your closet, I would challenge you to do something today to get closer to that goal.

{Photo Cred: Pinterest}

Take it day by day. Minute by minute. Make a plan for your day and STICK TO IT. Don't let anything get in your way. If you feel a craving coming on, use that time to call and check up on a friend you haven't talked to in awhile. If you don't feel like getting in a workout, turn on some of your favorite jams and dance around your house...I bet you won't mind a workout so much after a song or two. Still struggling to find your motivation? Read a book that encourages a healthy lifestyle like "Push" by Chalene Johnson or "Made to Crave" by Lysa TerKeurst. You can also find motivation, recipes, and more on my Facebook page, Get Fit with Alina.

Today's the day!! YOU CAN DO THIS!!