Am I really a runner?

For years I wanted to run. I wanted to run a 5k, do a mud run for more than just the obstacles, honestly I just wanted to run more than a minute without feeling like my lungs were going to collapse. Even at my healthiest, running just seemed impossible. I can remember my sophomore year of high school getting a new cheerleading coach and before each practice we were expected to run a mile. Even though I had a lot of muscle, a six pack, and could physically lift a person over my head with one arm, I could not run a mile. It was really discouraging and there were days that I considered quitting. 

In 2013, while on my first weight loss journey, I tried to take up running, but no matter how hard I tried or how regularly I ran, I could not run for more than 60 seconds without feeling like I was dying. At some point I got it into my head that some people just aren't meant to run. Some people are runners and some people are not. While at face value that statement is totally true, some people run and some people don't, the stigma I was attaching to that statement was totally false. 

Earlier this year, my husband, daughter, and I all signed up to do a 5k later this year. It never occurred to me when I signed up that there was even a possibility I would be able to run the entire thing. In May, I rediscovered an app that I used in 2013 with little to no success, C25K. This app is designed to take you from the couch to running a 5k in 8 weeks. I downloaded the app with no expectations. After battling with a broken foot and a brush with Lyme Disease, I really focused on running every day. The C25K app only requires 3 runs per week, but I knew in order to remain consistent and not lose momentum, I needed to be running every day. Plus, who needs a rest day?! Rest day is for quitters right?! (I kid, I kid...well a little, but we'll get into that in another post.)

From the moment I started using the app I felt like I was fighting an uphill battle. I mean literally every street in our neighborhood is uphill. How is that even possible?! I've already shared with you my ongoing battle with shin splints and running uphill has certainly not helped that situation! 

In week 1, you're starting with a 5-minute warm-up walk, then alternating 60 seconds of running and 90 seconds of walking for a total of 20 minutes. Week 1, Day 1...I couldn't even run for 60 seconds. That's no joke. I could not do it. Luckily, the app tells you over and over that you can go back and repeat any day that you want. Thank goodness for that! At that point, I had no idea that each day of the week is the same workout. So there I sat on Week 1, Day 1 for probably two weeks.

I kept thinking that this was too hard. Other people were just built for running and I wasn't. I'd never been able to run and I wasn't going to be able to now. My mind and my doubts were my worst enemy. Then, one day while running a song I'd never heard before came on. (Side note, my musical selections while running are all over the board, sometimes it's rap and other days I use that time to praise Jesus...my best friend says I have musical ADD, and in all honesty he's probably right.) The song "'Til I Collapse" motivated me to keep going even when it hurt. Even when I felt like I couldn't breathe. Then before I knew it the workout was over and I had run every interval I was supposed to...all 8 of them! While to so many people that would be such a small accomplishment, to me it was huge. I imagine that's how people feel when they make it to the top of Everest! I was dancing in the street, celebrating finally pushing past that barrier and accomplishing what I thought was impossible. 

Here's the thing about the C25K app, once you accomplish that week's workout you have three days of accomplishment and then you're back at the bottom when you move on to the next week. And each week, I found I was battling my mind much more than I was battling my body. Let me tell you, your body will go much farther than you think it will, but you've got to tell your mind to shut up. Now let me be clear, I'm not telling you to push yourself to injury. That's not what I'm saying. But when you're running and you feel like you can't go any farther, can you take 2 more steps? I promise you can. That's how you begin to shut up your mind. When it tells you to quit, take 2 more steps. Once you've taken those 2 steps, can you take 2 more? Only you know when you truly need to stop, but if you dig down deep I'd be willing to bet that you've got those extra 2 steps in you. 

I'm currently struggling my way through Week 5 and it's been a fight every single day. Week 5 requires a 5-minute warm-up, 5 minutes of running, 3 minutes of walking, and repeat x2. It's hard, I mean just plain hard! Will I have to repeat this week? Most likely, but that's ok. 

When I started this blog I set two goals, or better yet requirements, for myself. I would share my story and I would be 100% authentic. That means sharing all the messy details. So often social media becomes a place where we only see these little slices of perfection in everyone's life, but let's be real, no one's life is perfect. That's not the image I want out there. I'm not perfect, not even close. 

There are days that I don't get up and run, even though I know I should. There are days that I eat crap. There are days that I let the negative things people say and the doubts people voice about my ability to run get into my head. But the most real thing I can share with you is this. I run every single day, and there are many days I really don't want to. Especially this week. Knowing I've been struggling with Week 5 has really frustrating. I'm always surprised how easy it is to forget how far I've come and get stuck focusing on how far I have to go. Running three five-minute intervals seems impossible right now and a "real runner" could easily do this. That thought bounces around my head through most of my run. 

Here's the thing though, the real hard-to-hear, yet oddly comforting truth...every single runner has experienced this. Maybe not with 5-minute intervals, but they've all hit a wall at some point. They've all wondered if they would be able to hit that next milestone. I'm no different and neither are you. 

So, back to the question at hand, am I really a runner? Heck, yes!! There are all kinds of runners, long distance runners, sprinters, fun runners, and there are people, like my hubby, who run for shirts and medals. There is only one requirement to be considered a runner...you must run. And that's exactly what I'm doing. 

Eventually, I'll be looking back on Week 5 of the C25K app as my warm up. I'll be running farther and longer than I've ever dreamed. That might not be today, but that's ok. Right now, I'm just focusing on the next 24 hours and what I can do in that time to get closer to my goal...making it to Week 6, so I can start all over again. 

So, yesterday while fighting my way through another attempt at Week 5, I had a thought. It will only take a moment before my mom put 2 and 2 together and realizes where I'm going with this...and she'll be laughing long before I get to my point. I am a HUGE fan of the show "Friends," I know every word to every episode and still laugh just as hard at each one. So, while running yesterday my mind drifted to one of my favorite episodes, "The One Where Phoebe Runs." (Ma, has realized where this is headed and she's already laughing.) In the episode, Rachel invites Phoebe to run with her, but Phoebe's style is, well, slightly more carefree than Rachel is comfortable with. (Don't worry I'll include the clip below for those of you less familiar with this hysterical moment...Ma, has stopped reading and moved straight to the clip...and I'd be willing to bet she is already unable to form words because she's laughing so hard.) To Rachel, running is serious business, only about being fit and being fast. To Phoebe, it's all fun. There are no rules, and no one's opinion matters, she just runs. So my last words to you are this, and then we'll get to the clip, if you're struggling to get to that next goal, feeling frustrated, or wanting to quit, be a Phoebe. Just run. No set goals, no restrictions, just run. Remember why you started this journey and just have some fun. 

Need some encouragement in your fitness journey? I'm happy to help! Email me and let me know what I can do to help you reach that next goal. Need a running partner? Ok, but I get to be Phoebe!!